English author Owen Feltham once wrote, “Laughter should dimple the cheek, not furrow the brow. A jest should be such that all shall be able to join in the laugh which it occasions; but if it bears hard upon one of the company, like the crack of a string, it makes a stop in the music.”
When is teasing fun, friendly and bonding between people? When it’s reciprocal between peers, mutually agreeable as to the tone and content of the teasing and when there’s no direct or indirect hostile undertone. Familiar friends or couples can set up these playful and positive interactions without confusion or harm, and as they become structured and ritualized, retorts are expected and the laughing is lighthearted. Spontaneous teasing, however, is more dangerous to relationships than scripted comments because irritation toward the other person creeps into the teasing turning affection into personal put-downs and belittling becomes masked as humor. The laughing is now at one person’s expense. You may have been at a party where one person seems intent on teasing another. Though it’s supposedly lighthearted teasing for entertainment purposes, the words have hidden venom, and the victim is compromised and made to look stupid in front of everyone. Teasing, jabbing humor and sarcasm are all too often insults poorly disguised as humor.
As Christians, we must be very careful how we use this form of joking so as not to tear people down and be discouraging. The Apostle Paul said, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Eph. 4:29). The word for “corrupting” literally means, “worn out and unfit for use; worthless.” This is contrasted with “good” suggesting something that is “profitless, of no good to anyone.” Instead of tearing people down and corrupting the unity that Christians ought to have with one another, the Ephesians were encouraged to speak words that were uplifting and edifying according to the need of the moment. Each Christian is to do his part in edifying or building up the church (cf. Eph. 4:12, 16). The only way to build one another up is to always speak words that encourage others.
So, before speaking to or about a person, let’s T.H.I.N.K.
- Is it True?
- Is it Helpful?
- Is it Inspiring?
- Is it Necessary?
- Is it Kind?
By following this simple guideline, we will create a much more encouraging fellowship with one another.
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